Dear Queer ~ Coming Out to My Conservative Community

Gayly Giving Advice Straight from the Heart ~ August 2025

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Dear Queer,

I’m struggling and just need to vent for a minute. This might be a little long, so please bear with me. I knew I was gay at around 9, but it took me until my early 40s to come out. I grew up in Utah in a devout Mormon family. I knew coming out would change a lot for me, but I did not expect to lose close friends or be rejected by my family. I knew there would be some of that, but I thought it wouldn’t be from my closest people. If I’m being honest, it is so hurtful. My 10-year-old kid came home and told me his friends aren’t allowed to be in our house anymore. I am totally gutted. His friends are here all the time. They even call me Mom. This is devastating to both of us. Part of me wants to go knock on my neighbor’s doors and tell them I will be respectful of their beliefs and make sure I do not show affection to my partner in front of their kids. Then another part of me thinks, why should I have to do that? Even though I stopped going to church, I still hid who I was for over 40 years, and it’s been miserable. When I came out, it felt like I could breathe for the first time after a lifetime choking underwater. I don’t want to lie anymore. But my son’s needs should come first. I don’t know what to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated.