Dear Queer ~ Names For Two Moms?
Gayly Giving Advice Straight from the Heart ~ May 2025
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Hello Dear Queer,
My wife and I are expecting our first child this summer. We’d love to hear your ideas on names she can call us. We are both cis-gendered and ok with being called “Mom”, we just want her to be able to differentiate between us.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Brenda & Caitlyn
Hello, mothers-to-be!
Awe, I love this question! It brings me all the warm fuzzies I had back in the day when my wife and I were pregnant with our one and only. While there are abundant options for baby names, we lack when it comes to variations in names for parents. Luckily, I have quite a bit of lived experience with this.
The easiest variation if you both want to be called “mom” or “mama” is to add the first letter of your name. In my household, it’s Mama A and Mama C. Did we come up with this on our own? No- no, we did not. Did we steal it from Showtime’s original television show, The L Word? Yes, indeed we did.
There are several variations of the word mother either of you could use. Mami, Mum, Ma, Mommy, or Madre. If you both happen to have the same letter for your first name, you can always drop the letter and play with adding your full names, such as Mami Brenda and Madre Caitlyn, although the younger your child is the more likely a shorter name will end up being born. (Pun intended).
Another idea is to combine forms of “mom” with forms of “dad”. Some examples are:
Maddy (Mommy & Daddy)
Mapa (Mama & Papa)
Maman (Mama & Man)
Thirdly, you may abandon gender-conforming names altogether and choose two names that complement or complete one another. To give you an idea:
Sun & Moon
Sage & Rose
(Mother) Earth & (Father) Sky
And yes, you both have to have big hippy-dippy hearts to go with this last option. Or at the very least, have been vegan at some point in your lives.
No matter what she calls you, rest assured you will respond- even if it’s the exact same name. My daughter often calls us both Mom now, but it’s in her tone of voice that I know exactly which one of us she’s asking for. Somehow, the word “Mom” lands differently when being aimed at Mama A versus Mama C. I couldn’t tell you how or why- only that I can hear it most subtly. Every once in a while I respond, “What?” when I know she’s not asking for me, and then she’ll specify, “No, Mama A.” I do it mostly to double-check that I’m still reading her accurately. So far I have a pitch-perfect scorecard, and I am 13 years in. This is all to say you are going to know this little human inside and out. You will read her like a book, and no matter what she calls you, you’ll respond.
There are as many variations of parental names as there are families. We are quite literally the first generations of queer humans in recorded history birthing and raising our children out and proud. What we are doing is nothing short of revolutionary. We are actively creating pathways for more love to be embodied and altering history as we know it. I mean, when I really think about it, we deserve a superhero name! Speaking of superheroes, in doing research for this column, I met the badass who created Mombian. I am so incredibly thrilled by this discovery, and I know you will be too, as their website offers so many name variations it’ll make you giddy.
Do me a favor and send a picture of your family once your child arrives and be sure to sign it with the names you landed on. And please, let me be the first to wish you and your beloved a Happy Mother’s Day! Welcome to the club. It’s all kinds of awesome.
Stay queer, my dear!
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