Dear Queer ~ Where Do I Fit In?
Gayly Giving Advice Straight from the Heart ~ July 2025
If Dear Queer uplifts, educates, or entertains you, please make our exchange reciprocal here. Cheers to empowering queer women’s voices.
Dear Queer,
Hi! It’s me again, from your column about asexuality. I am so honored you answered my question! I am feeling all the special vibes here. I took the test you suggested, and I am asexual! I feel especially happy that you answered me during Pride month. I guess that’s another question I have. Does asexuality count as part of the LGBTQ community? Yes or no? Also, do people really use the term ace instead of asexual? I really like that word! Thank you for the advice and clarity.
-Ace
Hey Ace!
I am thrilled for you that you are taking a deeper dive into self-discovery! It warms my heart to know I get to walk alongside you for this giant step on your path. I hear the eagerness in your follow-up questions, so let’s go!
Ok, so anyone who lives anywhere other than under a rock knows the queer community gets teased for adding more and more letters to our acronym. In the beginning, the letters were GLB and were added in order of our identities gaining public recognition, with gay men gaining attention first, then lesbians and bisexuals. In the 1980s, a deliberate change was made to move L to the starting letter. This was a feminist decision as a direct nod toward dismantling patriarchy by placing women first. The letter L also moved front and center as an honoring of lesbians who were the main population brave enough to nurse gay men through the AIDS epidemic when the rest of the world was too fearful. In the late 90s, T was added for transgender, and for many years, LGBT was the standard acronym.
As more marginalized folks gained mainstream acknowledgment, more of us wanted the same. So we welcomed Q, I, A, 2S, and so on. With more letters came confusion- some folks thought Q stood for queer, while others thought questioning. Others believed A was for asexual, while some thought androgynous. Thus, the plus was born! Some brilliant folks realized there are as many identities as there are people, so we added a plus sign to represent every sexual orientation and gender identity that isn’t explicitly represented by the letters LGBT.
So what do all the letters stand for anyway? Here is a breakdown:
L = Lesbian
G = Gay
B = Bisexual
T = Transgender
Q = Queer and questioning (separate identities that share the same first letter)
I = Intersex
A = Asexual and androgynous (separate identities that share the same first letter)
2 or 2S = Two spirit
+ = Plus every single last one of us in all of our glorious rainbow colors!
In response to your second question, ace is to asexual as gay is to homosexual- the informal and totally acceptable shorthand name for a formal identity.
So my friend, with the conclusion of this queer herstory lesson, I officially welcome you to the rainbow! Not only are you a part of our community as an asexual, but you are the ace of us all!
Stay queer, my dear!
If Dear Queer uplifts, educates, or entertains you, please make our exchange reciprocal here. Cheers to empowering one another.
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