Dear Queer~ Can I Marry a Widow?

Gayly Giving Advice Straight from the Heart ~ January 2024

Dear Queer,

I have an amazingly kind and beautiful woman in my life. I often daydream about growing old in her arms, as I know it would be a place of great love and comfort. She tells me she only wants me, but I find this hard to accept because every day I feel I am competing with her deceased wife.

We were friends for quite some time before becoming romantic, so I knew she was a widow early on. Since I was her friend first, I think I learned more in the dating process about her wife than she would have shared if we had been strangers. She talks often about how much she loved her wife. She has an entire shrine dedicated to her, pictures all over the house, and old posts on social media that she keeps re-sharing as throwback memories. Some of her friends' comments, and her family’s slow acceptance of me, make me feel like I’m not seen for me, but a replacement for her wife, and a poor one at that. There’s no way I can live up to her saint status now that she’s gone and only love remains.

She asked me to move in with her. Even though I like the idea of living together, I don’t want to live in the same home they shared. I don’t want to be selfish or risk hurting her, but I can’t see moving in, or even one day marrying her, if this doesn’t get better.

Any advice?? Please and thank you.