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Embracing the 4th F
Once You’ve Survived Fight, Flight, or Freeze
Christmas was 72 hours ago and I haven’t stopped crying in days. Over the past decade, the month of December has snowballed from one traumatic event into another, resulting in a multitude of experiences producing the fight, flight, or freeze response. Exactly 8 years ago I was in the hospital for my daughter’s birth. It was an extremely complicated venture wherein both mother and daughter’s lives were at risk. By the grace of the goddess, all survived. 7 years ago I was at my daughter’s 1st-year birthday party when I got the call; I excused myself to another room to hear my doctor tell me I had a brain lesion. 6 years ago I returned from uprooting my family and moving across the country for two months of specialized radiation to the brain. 5 years ago I left my wife and was living alone for the first time ever on Christmas day. 4 years ago my health condition forced me to sell my biggest passion: a women’s spirituality shop I owned for more than a decade. I was navigating the holidays for the first time jobless. 3 years ago I was evicted from my studio due to my landlords selling the property. 2 years ago I was recovering from multiple brain surgeries and being evacuated from the hospital during the largest wildfire California had seen to date. 1 year ago my sister and closest family member went AWOL in a foreign country, and the man…
