Dear Queer~ Finding Life Purpose
Gayly Giving Advice Straight from the Heart ~ August 2024
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Dear Queer,
What do you say to someone in their 60s, divorced, and no longer working, who is looking for purpose, as well as deeper community connection?
Signed,
Christine
Dear Christine,
First, I will say, thank you for asking. It takes a brave soul to honestly inquire about one’s purpose, and I sense your courage. Next, I will say finding purpose is as simple as following the trail of joy. How do I know? Because I was you. Ok, not exactly, but close enough. Different boats in the same waters, as the saying goes. Recalculate a few years, toss in some life-threatening diagnoses, and I hit the same bumpy currents as you. Divorced, no longer working, searching for my purpose, and craving community connection. Luckily, as you might, I experienced a significant turning point after e-mailing a complete and total stranger. If you’d like to read about it, click here: The time I wrote New York Times bestselling author, Jodi Picoult. It’s an inspiring true story and on point with your question.
For now, please grab a pen and paper and make yourself cozy. Reflecting on the life you’ve lived so far, go ahead and jot down a minimum of 3-5 joyful experiences for each decade of your life. There’s no rush- take as long as you’d like strolling down memory lane. Next, search for any common theme. Did you sing in a choir, play an instrument, or frequent live concerts? If so, music may be a joyful theme for you. Highlight any similarities you find and make a short list of what they are. Ask yourself, which of these still sparks joy for me? Draw stars next to your top three answers.
Next, pivot towards your future self. Imagine you are 100 years old and doing this same exercise. How would your future self be happiest to have spent these decades? Did you learn yoga in your sixties? Write your life story in your seventies? Finally, take that watercolor class in your eighties? Rescue an animal companion in your nineties? This is where you get to dream and be creative.
Whether you want to spend your time studying various spiritual philosophies or dedicate your energy towards social justice issues, both spiritualists and scientists agree that aging with community connection dramatically improves our well-being. For those of us who live alone, it is imperative we find communities that share our same interests. When we surround ourselves with kindred spirits, that which we seek grows stronger. What is more joyful than 1 person singing their heart out? How about the chorus of 10 individuals doing the same in unison?
A few years ago, a friend of mine found herself divorced after 30 years. She was unable to work because of her disability and relied heavily on her son and spouse for social connections. Living alone, she fell into a deep depression, not knowing how to identify now that she was no longer a wife or a full-time mom. Daunted by having to start all over again at the ripe age of 60, she asked my advice. Even attempting the exercise I just gave you was too much for her. All she could muster was her love for her son, who recently came out as gay, and her lifelong love of trees. But I tell you what, that’s all it took. I recommended she volunteer with the LGBTQ+ safe haven in her community and take herself out on a nature walk every single week, both of which she did. On one of her trails, she found a river where folks would dip for cold plunges. She was brave and gave it a try. That one act opened up an entirely new avenue of joy for her. Fast forward to now, and she spearheads hikes in nature to take cold plunges with new friends she met while volunteering at her local LGBTQ+ & Allies center. She is the happiest she has been in decades.
So, my friend, your job is to find what sparks joy the most, then add the population you wish to connect with and search for it online. Mothers Who Salsa Dance, Nurses Who Crochet, Wild Witches of the West Who Bake Sourdough, Singles Over 60 Who Roller Skate- you catch my drift? With so many classes offered online, accessibility is at an all-time high. Take me, for example. I live in California and study writing taught by my teacher in New Zealand. Our last class had students living in Japan, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the UK, and every time zone across America. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be writing alongside other women all around the globe, yet here I am. I found my writing community later in life, and couldn’t be happier to finally fulfill my childhood dream of writing a book.
I can’t wait to hear what passion lives on in you and how you follow that joy toward a new community of friends who await you. Right now, in this very moment of time, someone who shares your same interest is finding their way toward fuller self-expression, too. Dear Christine, you have kindred spirits to meet, flames of passion to stoke, and whole new worlds to discover. Let’s get started, shall we?
Stay queer, my dear!
P.S. Did you hear? My very first collaborative book, The Life-Changing Power of Self-Love, is officially a #1 Amazon Bestseller! For autographed copies and SPECIAL DISCOUNTS, order here.
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